he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
