as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you win again, gameday.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
