So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
