This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
