At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
