Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
