My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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