just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think your dad took our porno
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
