Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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