If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
