I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
