where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
