i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
