You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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