Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
