He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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