so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
