chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
