god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
