Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
