Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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