I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
