A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
