IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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