I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
