I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
