Kiss
Puke
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
