im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize