So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
