i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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