So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
