I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
