I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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