Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize