I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
