I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
