Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
