It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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