i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
