Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
