im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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