This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
