hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
