new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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