Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
