they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
