i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
