When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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