i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
