since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
