The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
