thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
