i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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