do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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