do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
