Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
