don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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