your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
