It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
