eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
