That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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