Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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