i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Come on in and take your pants off
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