she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
